Shadow memory is my term for all memories not gained during normal waking consciousness by the physical body — memories gained through OBE, Fig. 2. Mind-split effect, showing subtle bodies. including lucid dreams and dream experiences. Shadow memories are downloaded into the physical brain after an OBE, and appear to exist in inaccessible levels of memory. Full waking consciousness completely overrides and hides shadow memories, making them extremely difficult to access and thus remember under normal circumstances.
A very light trance or near-daydreaming state encourages shadow memories to surface inside the conscious mind where they can become real memories. During this relaxed state, the conscious mind tends to wander through events, ideas, fantasies, and memories, which causes associations to be made with fragments of shadow memories. Associations trigger the upsurge of shadow
memories into conscious levels of the mind. The first few minutes of each day, just after waking, are when most people recall shadow memories. This is thus the ideal state and time from which to practice shadow memory recall exercises, using leading trigger phrases to cause associations.
Double Trouble — Experience
I experimented with duality, mind-split, and astral-feedback effects for well over a decade before writing this book. I had always been curious as to how and why my physical body reacted with its projected double, and how distance affected this. I intuitively sensed there was more to this than the common belief that the physical body tries to reclaim its projected double if it gets too close. I had often experienced unexplainable and confusing mixtures of perceptions and memories, at times with two or more sets of events apparently occurring at the same time during OBEs. Like many projectors, I had also often been aware of events and noises in the real world around my physical body at the same time that I was experiencing things in my projected double at a remote location.
The following is a detailed account and breakdown of my first full mind-split and astralfeedback experience. I have tried to simplify this as much as possible to ease the inherent difficulties — not to mention the grammatical nightmares — that arise when trying to explain something as unnatural and confusing as a fall mind-split experience. Please bear with me.
Physical Body's Side
Meditating in my chair by the fire, I slowly returned to a less-abstract level of consciousness as rain started drumming heavily on the roof. The wind was getting up and shaking the windows and doors. I glanced at the clock, briefly illuminated by a flicker of lightning. It was half past two in the morning. This was not unusual for me, as occasionally I will meditate all night. I felt wonderful, well-rested and full of energy. As the first distant sounds of thunder rolled softly over the house, I thought to myself, "I don't think I've ever projected in a thunderstorm I wonder what it's like?"
Closing my eyes once again, I raised more energy through my still active primary centers, deepening my level of trance. When I was satisfied with my level of trance, I shifted my body awareness out in front of myself, strongly feeling myself as standing a few feet in front of my chair. The vibrations quickly started and spread throughout my body. My heart center soon began to race. The vibrations peaked and I felt a trickling upward rush of energy through my stomach and a brief falling sensation as I began to project. Then, just as I considered everything was going fine, the vibrations suddenly stopped and... nothing happened... zilch! Puzzled, I sat pondering, heavy with trance, wondering why such an apparently successful projection exit had failed. This had happened to me on many occasions, but I had never understood why. I was, however, just about to find out why... the hard way.
Projected Double's Side
Buzzing free of my physical body after an easy exit, I came to rest floating several feet in front of where I was sitting. At this distance, my real-time double reflected the heavy action within my heart center. It throbbed loudly as energy poured into me from my physical/etheric body. It felt as if there were a tittle petrol engine throbbing inside my chest. As I floated across the room, the little engine in my chest purred faster as if to match my speed, then slowed again to a steady throbbing whenever I stopped.
I passed through the wall near the window and went out into the blustery rain-drenched night. What a gloriously wet feeling! I could feel and smell and taste the rain passing through me as I floated across my front garden. The invigorating sounds and smelts and tastes of rain and wetness and plants and trees and soil and grass were everywhere. These rain smells were so strong, many times stronger than I would be able to sense in my physical body.
The rain-swept night filled me with a wonderfully happy type of energy. It felt great to be so alive and out of my body on such a glorious night as this. Swooping up and over the roof with a quick loop, I hovered, looking around, the rain-filled wind buffeting and sleeting through me even more strongly up here.
[The wind and rain did not actually move my projected double, but I was keenly aware of the sensation of them passing through me.]
Sitting on the chimney, I gazed out over my old hometown, watching the rain dance in the streets below me, swirling and gurgling happily down gutters and drains. I listened carefully, taking everything in. The rain sounds seemed full of friendly voices, murmuring magical bubbly rhythms. Above, the low boiling clouds glimmering with hidden internal lightning. The tow sounds of heavy rolling thunder filled me with awe and tingling energy. Sitting on the roof, enjoying the storm and feeling a bit like a wet Mary Poppins, I felt something tugging at my innards. I knew that this was coming from my physical body in the room not far beneath me.
I reached out with my feelings and sensed my physical body, instantly becoming aware of it. I felt the chair beneath me and the pillow under my feet. I could hear the drumming rain, but as it sounded from inside the house. Funny thing, for a moment I felt tike I was back in my body again. I could hear my father's old clock ticking on the wall. The sound of my old Labrador, Blue-Boy, snoring and dream yipping, drifted in from under the kitchen table in the family room to my far right.
Floating higher above the roof, I swooped down through the garden and looped back up high, just grazing the dark-gray underbelly of a heavy storm cloud in the process. The sensations coming from my physical body eased the higher I went, soon stopping altogether. When I floated back down to the roof again, the tugging sensation began again. This was getting really weird, I thought.
I had often wondered at the real cause of the proximity reaction between my projected and physical bodies. Many times I had felt myself being in more than one place at the same time, sometimes even flickering back and forth between my two bodies. But, I asked myself again, how could that be? It didn't make sense. If I was up here, then how could I be down there at the same time? Surety, once I left my physical body I was out of it and my body was left empty behind me, a mere hollow shell... or was it?
My physical body was less than twenty feet below me at this time. I was intrigued now and decided to devote the rest of this projection to investigating proximity and duality sensations a little more closely. Passing through the roof, I watched the insides of tiles and timbers and plaster sheeting as I passed through them. I could feel resistance and texture and could even taste their dusty acrid flavors. Each type of matter looked quite different from any other and all were brightly illuminated on the inside, not dark as you might expect.
Projected + Physical Bodies
As I came through the ceiling, I saw my physical body in the armchair, right where I'd left it. At the same time, though, I also became fully aware of myself sitting in the chair, watching my own projected double coming down through the ceiling, I was seeing myself floating down through the ceiling, as well as seeing myself sitting in the armchair — both at the same time! It was me sitting in the chair, watching my projected double floating down through the ceiling. But, it was also me floating down through the ceiling, watching myself sitting in the chair, while also watching my projected double watching the other me sitting in the chair.
I was aware not only of both sets of vision, but of both sets of thoughts, from both sides at once. I was aware of being aware of both sets of thoughts, and of being aware I was aware of being aware of being aware of both sets of thoughts, and this was swiftly compounding and getting worse. This was not only mind-blowing and confusing, it was also starting to make me feel quite ill... both of me.
An important aspect of this experience is that until my physical aspect saw its projected double entering the room, it was totally unaware its earlier projection attempt had been successful. Luckily, at mis time, my physical aspect was experimenting with real-time sight, and was observing and studying the room around it If not for this factor, I doubt I would ever have discovered the mind-split. Nor would I have experienced the full-on duality and astral-feedback effects that occurred, which gave me such an insight into the nature of the mind-split.
My physical aspect was only momentarily surprised when it saw its own projected double. As soon as it connected visually, a strong telepathic link formed between them and memories flooded both ways. An exchange of memories occurred between my physical and projected aspects. Both aspects, physical and projected, then knew exactly what had happened to each other from the moment of separation, when the mind-split had initially occurred, until then. This provided me with a unique experience: that of having two completely different sets of memories, for a single time period, coexisting within my mind (within both aspects of my mind) at the same time.
As stated, my physical aspect was aware of attempting a projection and feeling the usual energetic sensations associated with a powerful real-time exit. These sensations had then stopped cold, leaving my physical aspect sitting in the chair wondering what had gone wrong.
It (I) decided to carry on with some energy work and real-time sight experiments. My physical aspect was totally oblivious, at this time, that it had already successfully projected its real-time double. My physical aspect felt a little heavy and sluggish after the supposedly failed projection attempt, with all the symptoms of a fairly deep trance.
I also had fairly strong real-time sight, and could see the room much clearer than before. This was all fairly normal for the type of meditation and energy work I was doing at the time. I did not suspect that anything extraordinary was happening to me at this time.
I decided to play around with real-time sight instead of falling back into a more abstract mystical state of deep trance meditation. I studied the room around me, slowly shifting my view so I could see behind me without physically moving. I was moving my etheric body around, quite literally, inside my own skin. There was no real sensation of movement, although it took considerable effort and concentration to do it, but my point of view moved as if my head were turning. By the way, this indicates that the etheric body (if awake) can gain some freedom of movement inside its physical body while an OBE is in progress. After several minutes, I felt an uncomfortable tension building up in my torso. This had happened a couple of times already during the course of my current experiments, but I thought that my effort to rotate my etheric body inside my physical body was causing it.
I tried to extend a part of myself through the wall behind me, to project my point of view through it, but failed, although I could see behind me fairly clearly. I then felt a tangible presence in the room with me. I rotated my gaze to the front again, just in time to see an astral being slide down through the ceiling. I was momentarily surprised and perplexed, but realization flooded me the moment my gaze connected with the gaze of my projected double. This caused an incredibly strong telepathic connection, visual plus mental, and another set of memories suddenly flooded into me... feeling almost as if they had been there all the time.
As we connected, the uneasy tension in my physical body worsened. I started to feel steadily increasing symptoms of nausea and something like physical shock. This connection was the start of what I now call astral feedback.
Physical + Astral Bodies
As my physical aspect and its projected double connected, we both became aware of both sets of memories from the moment of our initial separation at the projection exit. Once the telepathic connection and astral feedback started, I began to feel weak and nauseous in both bodies. My physical heart began pounding erratically—and this was reflected into my projected double. I was experiencing two completely different sets of vision, thoughts, and feelings, all at the same time, reflecting back and forth and swiftly compounding. This was, apart from the growing disorientation and nausea, absolutely fascinating. It also made a lot of sense. This first full mind-split experience provided answers to a lot of questions about certain projection oddities and phenomena. Just because my projected double was separated from its physical body, why would my physical mind (original copy) have to stop thinking and being? Why would it be left empty? I now had firsthand evidence that the mind splits, reflecting itself into two or more identical and independently thinking aspects during a projection.
My projected double moved with some difficulty, carefully observing and studying its physical body in the chair, while the physical aspect of me watched it back and tried to do the same. This was no mean feat and took some very real effort on both sides. The nausea and mental pressure steadily increased in both aspects. I studied these effects as best I could in the short time I had. My heart center was throbbing unevenly and it felt like my physical heart was also pounding heavily and erratically.
My level of trance began eroding at the start of the telepathic connection and I was now feeling more paralyzed than tranced. My physical body felt disoriented, dizzy, and highly nauseous. I could feel cold sweat trickling down my face and a chill spreading through my stomach and bowels. I felt like I was going into physical shock and would soon lose control over my bodily functions or pass out, or both.
Throughout all of this I remained calm and controlled, but my mind(s) were definitely being stretched way beyond their design limits. I started to worry, considering the possibility that I might damage or kill myself if I continued with this experiment for too long. This would obviously negate its value entirely, to say the least.
As my projected double was the only aspect capable of moving, and as this aspect was fully aware of the danger we were both in, he (it? I?) quickly moved out of the house. The feedback ceased the moment he went out through the wall and we soon lost contact with each other entirely. The nausea, etc., quickly eased off.
Projected Double — Same Time Period
I felt weak and heavy; movement was becoming extremely difficult, like wading through thick mud. I struggled to move about the room while trying to study and understand the strange effects I was experiencing. I had very little energy and felt the nausea my physical body was feeling, which seemed to make it even worse, somehow reflecting and compounding it. I felt an incredible pressure, as if something were dragging at me and sucking the life out of me.
I moved away from my physical body, an extremely difficult thing to do. I felt a great weight pull ing at me from behind as I turned my back on my physical body. It was as if I were moving in slow motion. A chill went through me as I turned and an atmosphere of fear settled over me that I could not explain.
We understood what was happening to us, both aspects of myself, and both of us concentrated on clearing our minds in an effort to ease the telepathic tension between us. This helped a little, and with enormous effort I made it through the wall and back out into the rain-drenched night. The pressure eased off quickly as I left the house and soon disappeared altogether.
I flew away from the house, skimming rooftops and enjoying the thunderstorm once more. Flying through heavy rain is a truly invigorating experience and I felt the strength flowing back into me. Looping high under the heavy storm clouds and swooping down again, I followed the wet road at motorcar speed close to the surface, watching the heavy raindrops dancing off the road as I slid along it. I could taste and smell the wet bitumen intensely and could also feel the texture of the road's surface as I scooted along it, weaving through the shadows of the dimly lit, tree-lined street.
I mulled over the implications of what had just happened and decided I had better get back to my physical body fairly soon, as it had been quite distressed when I'd left. My physical aspect probably would expect me back very shortly and would not appreciate it if I stayed out for too long. I knew I'd feel that way if I were he, which I was, or am. On that slightly confusing note, I turned and made a beeline back to the house and my waiting physical body.
Once the projected double departed, the nausea eased quickly, but I still felt quite shaky and my heart continued thudding erratically, missing the occasional beat. I could move again, but only just, and I still felt partially paralyzed. I figured my projected double was still out but would return very soon. I knew I would if I were he, or rather, if he were me, which he was, or I was, or I am, or he is (whatever the correct grammar for this is). I relaxed, trusting myself, and cleared my mind to make the coming reentry easier.
Astral + Physical
My projected double returned a few minutes after leaving, slipping quietly through the wall and into the room. He/I approached my physical body, feeling at the last moment like he/I were being sucked into it. My physical aspect became aware of its projected double's return when the feeling of tangible presence and tension began again.
A few seconds later, my physical aspect felt a tingling energetic body rush as its projected double reentered and reintegrated with its physical body. The tingling surge of energy started in my legs and quickly rushed up through my torso (a trickling, tingling excitement kind of energetic sensation) from my groin up through to my heart.
The gap in my memories, from the time my two aspects had last parted company, suddenly vanished. I now had full recall of both sides of the latter part of the experience, the most recent part. I must say, it is an extremely odd thing to have two sets of memories for a single time period, but you soon get used to it.
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